wild days, I will find you

there are times when I think I am still SO young... I'll get this want deep within me to paint my nails black, ditch work and just drive. I get this want to just let it all go, have no responsibilities, and just run. Make mistakes, fall in love again and again, photograph anything and everything, dance on table tops, drink to much, stay up late to watch the stars and just live.

I'll be driving home from work, thinking... lets just go! I have a full tank of gas, I can get new clothes, bills are paid for the month.. lets just go wild for a week. Hike and move, laugh and cry and be happy.

but I always bounce back, look at the clock and say "oh man... its 8:30PM... I should start getting ready for bed." HOW BORING.

I tattooed myself a few months ago - wanting something to remind me of how far I have come and how much God has been my influence in my life. I also got it to just FEEL something. Anything. In the moment of getting the tattoo, I felt young, alive and FREE. One moment, simple and steady. I felt here.

I am trying to rediscover life as a mid twenty something working full time and paying a mortgage. How does one find the time to explore, adventure and be young and alive??

I am still trying to find that out, one moment at a time. One step at a time.

I will find it - deep within my soul there is a young and restless girl who is fighting to be heard.

Comments

april 10th 2017

here. i am starting new. i feel like i have said that so many times. and i have. i really have.... sigh. how is this time different from the rest? i have always been strong, carefree, spontaneous, adventuresome, life-is-too-short-kinda-way girl. but something in the last year has turned my insides into a different place. i ignore my body, i ignore my inner self CRYING out. stop. stop. please just stop. i have put everyone else in front of myself. i have decided to take care of everyone and everything before i get in some time for me. to take care of my body. my mind. my faith. my heart. even as i type this, i am thinking of dinner i need to make tonight and the laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, oh and the dog needs to be walked. yes, and i can pay those bills later too........ where is my health, wellbeing SELF fit into this? my face shows the beat down i have been giving my internal organs. food after food after lack of good exercise, good movement. i am planting a garden out back - h...

born to explore!

I have always craved adventure. And I always was striving for the next one. When you begin to work every day, all day and only have a couple days off a week, you begin to need adventure. I NEED AN ADVENTRUE. I need to feel the trees, blowing in the wind, their sweet sweet smell of pine and maple. I need to feel uneven ground, get a little dirty, and feel the demand of my body to move forward. I need to feel the air outside… oh what a concept. Outside. I sit in a cubicle, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I am blessed, like I say all the time... I have a big window. I’m blessed again, but I want more than to look outside while breathing inside air. I long to be out, in the warm, cold air. I guess when you are locked up for so long your body starts craving the outside. So I decided to adventure, this Spring, Summer and Fall. I have a couple friends and my boyfriend who are in for the challenge. I’m going to push myself to backpack, hike, swim, climb, ca...

winter is coming

"Girls love each other like animals. There is something ferocious and unself-conscious about it. We don't guard ourselves like we do with boys. No one trains us to shiel our heads from each other. With girls, it's total vulnerability from the beginning. Our skin bare and soft. We love with claws and teeth and the blood is just proof of how much. It's feral. And it's relentless." -Leah Raeder, Black Iris (via quoted-books )

megan the wanderer

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