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april 10th 2017

here. i am starting new. i feel like i have said that so many times. and i have. i really have.... sigh. how is this time different from the rest?

i have always been strong, carefree, spontaneous, adventuresome, life-is-too-short-kinda-way girl. but something in the last year has turned my insides into a different place. i ignore my body, i ignore my inner self CRYING out. stop. stop. please just stop. i have put everyone else in front of myself. i have decided to take care of everyone and everything before i get in some time for me. to take care of my body. my mind. my faith. my heart. even as i type this, i am thinking of dinner i need to make tonight and the laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, oh and the dog needs to be walked. yes, and i can pay those bills later too........

where is my health, wellbeing SELF fit into this? my face shows the beat down i have been giving my internal organs. food after food after lack of good exercise, good movement. i am planting a garden out back - hoping being among the dirt and seeds and soil will bring be some clarity. its like i need to break myself apart to find where i have locked away my caring for my body. where did SHE GO GODDAMMIT? why have you let yourself slip so far away?

enough. I'm getting my shoes on. and stepping outside. this isn't going to be for anyone. but a place i have told myself i need to start coming to. put it on this page. lock it away. and then move on.


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