megan the wanderer

here. i am starting new. i feel like i have said that so many times. and i have. i really have.... sigh. how is this time different from the rest? i have always been strong, carefree, spontaneous, adventuresome, life-is-too-short-kinda-way girl. but something in the last year has turned my insides into a different place. i ignore my body, i ignore my inner self CRYING out. stop. stop. please just stop. i have put everyone else in front of myself. i have decided to take care of everyone and everything before i get in some time for me. to take care of my body. my mind. my faith. my heart. even as i type this, i am thinking of dinner i need to make tonight and the laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, oh and the dog needs to be walked. yes, and i can pay those bills later too........ where is my health, wellbeing SELF fit into this? my face shows the beat down i have been giving my internal organs. food after food after lack of good exercise, good movement. i am planting a garden out back - h...

"Girls love each other like animals. There is something ferocious and unself-conscious about it. We don't guard ourselves like we do with boys. No one trains us to shiel our heads from each other. With girls, it's total vulnerability from the beginning. Our skin bare and soft. We love with claws and teeth and the blood is just proof of how much. It's feral. And it's relentless."  -Leah Raeder,  Black Iris  (via  quoted-books )

This is for the gentle goddesses with watery, empathic hearts, who ooze with oodles of compassion,  eager to soothe another’s suffering . This is for the luscious ladies with restless spirits who can’t stay in one place for long, because our souls are winged, always longing for adventure. Yes, this is just for us: The free-spirited females with fiercely   sensitive hearts . We are a balmy breeze, casually caressing arms lovingly, suddenly here, suddenly there, then suddenly gone. We are a thousand grains of precious pink sand, slowly slipping through soft fingertips, one by one. We   can never be contained   because we aren’t meant to be. We are born to ride the wild winds of passion, surf the turbulent oceans of despair, and relentlessly explore the great vastness of this crazy world — until our bodies collapse in ecstatic exhaustion. We understand deeply that life is a heartbreakingly  beautiful series of goodbyes, hellos, trium...

This photo is the background of my computer at work. It reminds me to focus on not getting caught up in the craziness of the week. That this in-grained desire for something bigger is normal. That we were not made for this world, but while we are here we must not miss the good parts.  River Wild.  There is a peace in the woods, in the dark of the trees. In the rain and under the branches. I hear whispers of wind and cheers of wildlife. I hear Hillsong music and the light rain covering the deep. The streams a-flowin and the rush of the wide-open scapes. OPEN HEAVEN - RIVER WILD.  This world today has been so rearranged by MAN that we sometimes can't recognize it for what is was in the pure state of which it was created.  So I am reminded, reminded to take care. To leave no damaging mark but to kiss the earth gently - To pray, listen and speak less.  “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the ...

entering into my 27th year.... no kids (yet), new job, new start, fitness getting in check, health a top priority, BODY LOVE is going to happen, living the moments.... living each day with not regretting anything. loving, laughing, breathing, keeping it real. messing up, asking for forgiveness and reaching for grace. keeping friends close and letting those go who are walking away. dancing in the strangest moments, remembering to keep it simple.

one photo from the Portland adventure weekend. Self discovery, letting go, finding creativity again and learning about life. With the best of people. A weekend of wonder - simple, yet just what I needed. Full. 

truth 

"...the older I get, the more I see how women are described as having gone mad, when that they've actually become is knowledgeable and powerful and fucking furious." - Sophie Heawood

"Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things."  - Elise Boulding

" we are more than the worst thing that's ever happened to us.  All of us need to stop apologizing for having  been to hell and come back breathing."  - Clementine von Radics

Photograph - Ed Sheeran Inspiration at 3:55. Leave it with a good note.

"I'm becoming more silent these days.  I'm speaking less and less in public.  But my eyes, god damn, my eyes see everything." 

"In fact a mature person does not fall in love, he rises in love. The word ’fall’ is not right. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have that integrity to stand alone. A mature person has the integrity to be alone. And when a mature person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you to be thankful for it – no, not at all, he does not even need your thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love. And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are toge...

inspiration found at 3:18

I have found a love, so deep and true. nothing, and I mean in life prepared me for such a beautiful blessing. I never thought this, he, was in existence - that he would ever be for me. I remember praying and looking but just thought, naw - can't work this good for me. But it did. He is here. and he isn't going anywhere. My sweet sweet God - my savior above, saw my broken heart - healed my bones and mended be back together. all the while crafting the sneakiest of adventures. and here he is, with me. brought to me by no one other than the God I live for. He, in the photo. my life, my love. until my body breathes its last breath, I will love him with every fiber within my soul - with everything I ever am. Through the storms and big open skies, he will be my companion, my best friend, my lover, my hope and my adventure. the greatest gift I could ever receive. I need nothing more. I am full. 

"Please know there are much better things in life than being lonely or liked or bitter or mean or self-conscious. We are all full of shit. Go love someone just because; I know your heart may be badly bruised, or even the victim of numerous knifings, but it will always heal, even if you don’t want it to; it keeps going. There are the most fantastic, beautiful things and people out there, I promise. It is up to you to find them."  - Chuck Palahniuk

" A woman who fears the Lord will not run away from God to satisfy her longings and relieve her anxieties. She will wait for the Lord. She will hope in God. She will stay close to the heart of God and trust in His promises. The prospect of departing into the way of sin will be too fearful to pursue; and the benefits of abiding in the shadow of the Almighty too glorious to forsake." - John Piper

"it is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." - Frederick Douglass

sunshine - whether it be spring or summer or fall, is coming. I can feel it when the clouds begin to part on the evening drives home. my feet begin to dance and my heart begins to pump. being outside, after working inside all day is something I want more than ever. When I was young, I took being outside for granite. I never had a bigger desire than at 25 to be in the trees. to be in the mountains and hills and fields. to smell more than circulated air. to feel the soft ground below my feet. out of heels and into boots. climbing and climbing. for the rush of the journey and the work on the legs. the more and more I age, the more and more I am drawn to wander. to move about, explore and adventure. you would think one would slow down. I am just getting started. its the rush, the actual feeling of being alive. the fresh air on my lungs is a high - better than any drug could give me. I'm catching on to what God had in store for this life. to be in it and live it until he calls ...

for a couple years now, I have been struggling with finding a way to be HAPPY with what I have. With the world constantly throwing out NEW and GREAT things ------ THINGS... I feel like I HAVE TO HAVE THEM to be happy... Now this is completely MY fault. Instead of trying to pair down and enjoy the simple things, I let myself get caught up in the new and next big things. The picture ABOVE is a good example. Like how I tied that in? :) Just right now, I was simultaneously looking on Facebook (which I was trying to look at less of) and also looking online at Nike, REI, Zappos and Amazon for new running shoes. I have probably 3 pairs of running shoes in the garage, but they aren't "Good Enough Anymore." Everyday, new shoes are coming out and I feel like my old white plain shoes are lacking. However perfectly functional, the world has brought me to believe that I need (NEED) something new. and RIGHT NOW.  I actually have a sticky note here on my desk, (I can ...